The Thanksgiving Lula Ate the Turkey

I think that will forever be my claim to fame! Not only did I eat the turkey, I did a number of remarkable feats last week and I have been sitting in my crate reliving them since….

Where do I begin… Well let’s see I guess it all started on Sunday when Pam came home from the grocery store with more bags of groceries than she has ever brought home—Pam is a “one or two meal at a time” shopper.  So when she makes 3-4 trips back and forth with bags of groceries, it is worth paying attention! So she carried in lots of good smelling stuff and once it was all inside, Bruno and I got kicked outside! And while we were outside she hid all the stuff.

Then Tuesday night Angie came over and they were busy cooking up turkey sausage on the stove and making good smelling stuff while Bruno and I just had to sit there and smell and starve. They finished their cooking and again hid everything away! What—no scraps or snacks for us??? Pam has been more diligent about not leaving anything edible on the counter since I have been surfing more…

On Wednesday while Pam was at work, I started exploring and discovered where all the good stuff was being hidden—the fridge in the basement!!! Score!!! You have to understand the fridge in the basement used to be in the garage and only ever held drinks. Then in October she and her friends moved it inside, but it still only housed drinks. So Wednesday afternoon when I smelled something other than beer, wine and soda…. my tummy got the best of me and I figured out how to open the fridge. I had seen Pam do it a thousand times and really it isn’t that hard! Grab the handle and pull and voilà! all the food a dog could ask for!!!!

First I pulled the turkey out. It was on the nose-height shelf, but it was all wrapped up in a plastic net and bag so I went back to see what else was available. Sausage Egg Casserole!!!! I whipped that pan right out of the fridge, removed the flimsy plastic lid and chowed down!!! Yummy!!! Eggs, turkey sausage, cheese, mushrooms, cream of mushroom soup and croutons! Was almost done with it and just had to stop cause I was FULL and needed a break. So I crawled into my crate to let my food digest a bit.

Feeling revived from my nap it was time for the Second Course—TURKEY! Now this was a bit of a challenge as it had that plastic netting and then a plastic bag, but after my 1st course and nap, I was up for the challenge. I removed all that pesky wrapping (do you know it is easier to skin an animal in the wild than it is to remove the “packaging” these humans use?!) Well after some work, I got all that wrap off and started with the best part—breast meat!!! After listening to Bruno whine and whimper at the top of the stairs (“Wussy” is scared to come down the stairs!!!), I tried to carry the bird up the stairs to share a bit. No-go, I was too full and it was too heavy (22 pounder) so I did the next best thing—I pulled out the giblets and took those up and gave them to Bruno! See? I share!!!

Just trying to let my belly do its magic and digest my turkey and eggs.

Well again, I got kind of full, but still had quite a bit of turkey left, so I decided I better start saving it for a rainy day. You know you can’t count on finding food like this every day! So you eat what you can and then you stash the rest for later. I started stashing as best I could in the basement. I put the good stuff in my crate under my blanket—Pam would never see it and chances are when she sees what I had done—I would be spending quite a bit of time in my crate so I knew I better be prepared! Then I noticed a bit of skin on the wall by the bookshelf—now that’s impressive! I must have had a little power behind that rip to send it flying 6 feet across the room and had it stick to the wall about 18 inches off the floor! So I decided it was a good marker and I stuck a few bits of turkey behind the bookshelf. Well, once I got the meat in there, I realized it would be a bit difficult to get it back out as the bookshelf is pretty heavy, so I needed to find another spot with better access. It is much easier to hide food outside because you can bury it or cover it with leaves!

Pam says I look like a sway-backed pony! Doesn't she know it isn't nice to pick on someone's gut??

I did find one more safe place—I stuck a bit under the couch. Not a lot though, as I got interrupted!! Uh oh, I heard the bells on the back door and in walked Pam. Yikers, time flies when you are eating a fabulous meal and having fun. Better act innocent!! I figured I should quietly make my way upstairs as she was looking for me in the other room. Easier said than done!!! WOW my belly was full and I had a REALLY hard time climbing those stairs! I thought someone had strapped a 15 lb weight belt on me! Oh yeah I probably ate about that between the egg dish and the turkey—this sneaking stuff was going to be harder than I thought. Well there was Pam at the top of the stairs waiting and I don’t think she could see what had happened.

That didn’t last long as out she came, phone in hand chatting away to someone. “You aren’t going to believe what she did now…  11 people tomorrow for dinner… no turkey…. yackity yack yack…” Well let me tell you I didn’t really need to hear her hysteria because I was in my own agony! I decided I just needed to lie down and let my belly work. So I did! I laid down outside and then Pam made me get up and move inside and then outside! I just wanted to be left alone to digest my food in peace!

Isn't this funny? She thought that bungy cord would keep me out of the oven! Ha, I could have taught her a lesson if I wanted to!

Wednesday night is a bit of a fog. I know Pam ran around cooking and to the store and more cooking and making lots of noise and bothering me but I did my best to just let my belly work its magic and I knew eventually I would feel GREAT! “Great” came about 10am on Thursday! Pam got up early and promptly kicked Bruno and me outside. Oh, I must add that she kept bothering me all during the night! Making me get up and go outside and walk around! Hello? Walking around might help Pam but lying still on my side is MY PREFERRED method of digestion!!!! Anyway, Pam finally let us back in around 10am on Thursday and after drinking some water, I decided I was ready for a little snack. I thought Pam was busy on the phone so I could sneak down to the basement and help myself to a mid-morning snack. I had just gotten ahold of the meat behind the bookshelf and down the steps she came. Oh did she start yelling! And she pulled me away from the bookshelf. Hmph!!! I’m not sure why she wanted to leave that meat back there? It won’t last forever. Can you believe she got some towels and cleaned up my turkey stash and threw it into the garbage?! The horrors!!!

Sidenote: Why is it that humans wonder why dogs and animals raid their garbage??? Hello—you put perfectly edible stuff in there! We call that wasteful!!! Don’t you know there are LOTS of starving animals who would happily eat that, and then it wouldn’t go to waste and take up precious room in your smelly dumps? If you people were as smart as you claim to be, you would set your edible “garbage” in its own pile and feed all the starving animals around you!!! Just think of how much more efficient and less wasteful that would be!

Back to my snack—well Pam proceeded to “steal” all of my stashed meat and I never did get my snack! In fact, she hadn’t fed me breakfast that morning, nor did I get my normal noon snack!!! Additionally Bruno and I got kicked out about 3pm when everyone started coming over with MORE good smelling food and we didn’t even get to go in the house! Pam did remember to feed us dinner—LATE!!! When she finally let us in that evening everyone was still there but ALL of the food had disappeared!!! Now I know they didn’t eat all of it, so it had to be hidden somewhere in the house!

Pam thought this was "Lula Proof"

Saturday during the night I decided to check out the basement fridge again. I went up and pulled the handle like I did Wednesday— wouldn’t open. I pulled harder—nope! Then I saw why: Pam put a STRAP around it!!! I pulled and pulled and all I did was move the whole fridge but the door wouldn’t open. So then I thought I would try to make a hole through the bottom of the door. No, that didn’t work either. Then I discovered that squishy white stuff between the door and the main part of the fridge! Now that I could conquer, but the opening was not enough to get my nose inside. After a little break and further thought, I realized the good smells were not in that compartment after all. I checked around and guess what? There is a top door!! It didn’t take much to stand on my back legs, front legs on the bottom door and pull that little short door on top open and JACKPOT!!!! A package of ground beef!!!! WAY better than turkey!!! Lots more flavor and not nearly as much of that pesky packaging! So I took my beef and crawled in my crate to feast and stash!

Wow I LOVE Thanksgiving!!! Can we have it two or three times a year????

My Jail Cell - Charles calls it my Retirement Crate. I have been accessorizing it: water bowl, comfy blanket, window fan for summer, food dispensing toys...

Footnote: I am writing this blog from my crate. I have been told I have a life sentence without the possibility of parole, not even at night. Bella Picasso, my Dalmatian attorney, has told me I don’t have a defensible case so I better get used to the bars. Good thing someone donated a Giant crate so I can move around. On top of that, Pam said if I insist on acting like a bear, she is going to feed me like a bear and I have to work for my food. About one-half of my food is put in the annoying “toys” that if you do all the right moves it “rewards” you with ONE kibble!!! It takes me most of the day to get my food out of these stupid little toys!